To Love and To Hold….
That was the line that stuck with me the most, after listening to Dr. Esther Perel on TED Talk this morning. Dr. Perel discusses how in long term relationships, we often expect our significant other to be our best friend and our erotic partner. Two roles that can oftentimes conflict with one another. One moment we want to be surprised, but the next we want total security. How do we sustain that erotic desire in our relationship?
I understand why Dr. Perel points out how it can be hard to play both roles, but I also believe that we form a beautiful union with our significant other that it shouldn’t be hard. It requires an understanding of our own wants and needs and the knowledge of how to express them to one another.
I also felt that Dr. Perel, wanted us to come to the realization that love and desire cannot be experienced at the same time, they are two separate animals in our bodies. This is not to say we cannot experience both with one person; our chosen long term partner. It’s that we choose to share both feeling with one person. When it comes time to cook dinner together or take the kids to soccer practice, love is what makes you do those things together. Desire on the other hand, is knowing when the animalistic erotic nature in us comes out and how we want to harmoniously share that feeling.
“To love and to hold”. Those five simple words make up a one of the most endearing lines in a wedding vow. Dr. Perel said those very words because she knows we have said or are planning on saying those very words and how vulnerable they make us. Being comfortable in that vulnerability with your partner is what it means to be in love and have a fulfilling sex life at the same time.
Check out Dr. Perel on TED Talk and let us know what you think!